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How do you measure up?
ranton@cinci.rr.com
08/24/2008 - By Robynn Anton
http://www.thefreelanceteam.com
I’m a parent. For the past ten years I have been studying for my PHD in Parenthood. So far I’m averaging a B+. I’ve come to this conclusion by giving myself an A for effort and a C for stress management, so in my book that averages out to a B+. (The “+”
Forget your kid’s grades, how you measure-up my be more important
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I’m a parent. For the past ten years I have been studying for my PHD in Parenthood. So far I’m averaging a B+. I’ve come to this conclusion by giving myself an A for effort and a C for stress management, so in my book that averages out to a B+. (The “+” is a bonus for having an extra kid – I have 3, as opposed to the average 2.4.)
So, how are you doing so far? Failed any tests lately? Screamed loud enough for the neighbors down the street to gasp in disbelief? Isn’t it amazing the power a 2-foot toddler, or, even worse a 5’7” teenager (who should know better by now) has over our emotional disposition?
Everywhere you look, people are handing out advice, ”Key to Raising the Best Kid in Town”, or my favorite, “ All the Mistakes You’ve Made and the Damage You’ve Caused Your Children.”
The truth is, there is no “perfect answer”, no “golden rule” that makes us good parents, no “turn-key solution” to raising happy and healthy children. But there is hope.
I’ve come up with my own theory on what causes parents to fall into the guilt-ridden horror of emotional havoc…I call it the Conflicting Values Theory. Or, in other words, what we value as a parent often conflicts with what we value as an individual, and more importantly, with what our children value. (Imagine that.) And as a result, chaos rules.
When do you most often lose your cool with your children? While working from home? While watching your favorite television show? While cleaning?
More often than not, if you begin to lose your temper with your children, for example, when you are getting the house ready for company, your individual (and often self-serving) values have emerged and taken flight, while your parental values (those that protect the well-being of your children) have fallen asleep over the wing back in coach.
End result? Tempers flare and you crash and burn somewhere over mass confusion and mopping the floor. (That’s the part where you’ve failed the test.)
So how do you stop the madness? Control the insanity? If a nice hot fudge sundae isn’t available, quickly ask yourself, “Why am I getting so upset? Is my child deliberately trying to drive me crazy? Will any of this matter tomorrow? Is it really the kids, or am I just losing my mind?”
If you’ve answered all of these questions before losing your cool, chances are the temper tantrum (and I mean yours) has passed, the pilot has removed the no-stressing sign and you are free to roam about the cabin, I mean house, freely.
By questioning your reaction during times of stress you will begin to naturally recognize, understand, reprioritize and ultimately harmoniously merge your conflicting values, thus reducing the chance of destroying a nurturing and loving home environment.
As a result, you will bring up your test average (just last year I was a B- parent). And if you’re lucky, you might pass this stage of child development and get to move on to the next. (There are by the way, no guarantees of success with this program, no money-back, and you cannot at any time exchange your child for another, more well behaved child. You get what you get, and if you’re lucky, they’ll love you forever.)
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Let’s Talk -- You’ve got questions? We’ll find answers.
What was the last test you failed?
Have you ever embarrassed yourself, or your child?
Have you ever had to hide in the van at the bus stop?
What causes you to “lose-it”? Need advice?
Any skeletons in your parental closet you care to share?
Any words of wisdom that may inspire us all?
Let’s stop the madness, support our families and get ourselves involved -- with each other -- and the future well-being of our children.
Until next time remember… when it comes to raising children, we are tested daily, sometimes we pass, sometimes we fail -- it may not be easy, but it is always worth it.
You can contact Robynn at ranton@cinci.rr.com
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