- Business Advice
- POPSpages.com Created to Help Small Business Compete with the Big Guys
- Online Directories Boost Search Engine Optimization
- POPSpages Helps to Get Businesses to the Top of Google
- Local Restaurant Chatter
- Eat, Drink and Be Caring!
- Relish Modern Tapas Wins Me Over
- What to do in Mason, Ohio
Tough Love is a Contradiction In Terms for a Reason
Robynn@thefreelanceteam.com
04/22/2008 - By Robynn Anton
http://www.thefreelanceteam.com
I just finished reading an article in a magazine by an advice columnist who happens to be a doctor --his columns always drive me crazy. He is an older man and he is always stressing the tough love theory...
Tough Love is a Contradiction In Terms for a Reason
***************************************
I just finished reading an article in a magazine by an advice columnist who happens to be a doctor --his columns always drive me crazy. He is an older man and he is always stressing the tough love theory. He says to tell your kids the rules and don't let them have any say in what the discipline is going to be. He then continues by saying to repeatedly discipline your child for a re-occurring offense, until they finally figure out that "you mean business."
Excuse me, but haven't we gotten away from the 1950's managerial style where no one was permitted to express their feelings, work was performed in fear of being fired, and no one was encouraged or contribute to the overall growth of the corporation? Shouldn't the same revelation that this concept is unproductive, be applied to everyday life as well?
As I see it, the doctor makes several blunders in his suggestions in taking disciplinary action. He does suggest to make a plan before the offense happens, (as counselor, Judy Haug and I suggested a few weeks ago), but he does not encourage you to devise a plan with your children, or to have a predetermined reward for good behavior. The doctor thinks that your children will behave because you are a strict parent and they know you mean business.
Do you honestly want your child to do what is right because you mean business, or rather because they understand for example, what it means to hurt someone's feelings?
In certain situations severe and strict disciplinary action may be warranted for an uncontrollable child whose actions are un-ordinarily hurtful or detrimental to themselves, or another human being.
However, in most cases, a child's behavior is a result of an underlying emotion that is being ignored or saddened by actions of another individual.
When children misbehave, they are calling out for help or attention. You need to address the root of the problem before you address the discipline. Find out what is causing your child to skip school, hit his friends, or talk back to you, or other adults.
By punishing the action and ignoring the emotion, you are not helping the child to work through his problem; you are only compounding the issue for future flare-ups.
Yeah, his tough love theories will get you results, your children may fall in-line and act like good soldiers, but is that what you really want? Do you want children who won't stand up to their friends and do drugs? Do you want them to grow up and be submissive and fearful of authority in the work force?
Isn't it our goal to raise independent, creative, self-disciplined, caring, concerned adults? How can we expect them to make good decisions as adults, if we do not allow them to practice choosing what is good for them and using their decision making skills as children?
I think we can all agree that we know our own children best and what style or form of discipline suits their individual needs. And hopefully you are able to leave the tough love theories in the history books where they belong.
**************************************
Powered by eDirectory™